


mismatched

by minycrds



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Character Study, M/M, Meta, Pining, Unrequited Love, Unrequited Soulmates, is that even possible, short and sad, well I guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-01
Updated: 2020-11-01
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:27:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27331915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/minycrds/pseuds/minycrds
Summary: "It was barely visible, but it was enough for him to make out the characters of his soulmate’s name: Miya Atsumu.It wasn’t supposed to be like this, he was supposed to get a happy ending too".
Relationships: Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi
Kudos: 41





	mismatched

Destiny works in funny ways and Sakusa Kiyoomi is no stranger to that saying. He’s known that ever since he was a child and his parents gave him the soulmate talk, hoping one day their son would be mature enough to make the right decision and not let himself be blinded by such a silly thing like destiny. Soulmates were stupid anyway and he wasn’t even a people’s person.

Deep down, he’d always known he wasn’t cut for it. Still, he yearned and hoped one day he’d see his soulmate mark bloom in the shape of his soulmate’s name and somehow he’d still get his happy ending. He held onto silly little fantasies like any other kid would, inspired by the fairytales his mother used to read to him and the love stories he inevitably ran into in his mandatory reading for school. 

But the time passed and the feeling in the pit of his stomach at the mention of a soulmate never left him. So he let himself be swayed by the idea of unavoidable loneliness and heartbreak and it was so easy to focus on germs and cleanliness as a solid excuse to keep people away from him. He was bad at making friends and keeping them had always seemed impossible, so he was stuck with his cousin who put up with his moods and the extra time he needed to make sure everything he touched was clean. Tables and chairs were cleaned with bleach wipes, words were ignored, lips were bitten to keep the words at bay and hidden under a facemask he rarely took off outside the volleyball court. And Sakusa dealt with it until he grew hopeful again.

He didn’t like people or crowds, he didn’t like loud noises and people touching him without permission. He found comfort in hygiene and establishing a barrier between himself and other people, yet this time it couldn’t be helped. Ushijima Wakatoshi was polite and clean, poised and so talented to the eyes of everyone else, including his. He stood out from the rest of the players he was used to competing against, not only because he was a southpaw, but also because he was mature and always regarded him with such respect, as if Sakusa could even compare to him. He felt like a bug, crushed under his considered look. 

For years on end, until his very last match against a high school team, he hoped when he turned eighteen his soulmate mark would bear his name. He let himself hope and want, if only to keep himself sane, longing for him to reciprocate. Ushijima was a very private person, which didn’t help much considering Sakusa’s own social tendencies. Sakusa yearned and pined, unsure of how to approach him besides talking about techniques and stats. He thought of asking Komori for help and even bringing up the last time they’d seen each other at training camp, despite how his stomach twisted when Ushijima cocked his head and raised an eyebrow whenever he heard his voice, almost unsure. 

How foolish could someone be, he thought. How stupid could Sakusa Kiyoomi be, because it was more than clear in the way he carried himself around Sakusa that he was just trying to be polite to him. 

He dreaded his 18th birthday. He didn’t care much for a celebration or congratulatory messages or gifts. He knew the questions would come from relatives and friends alike, poking fun at him and making silly jokes about the love of his life. It was dreadful because Sakusa Kiyoomi had always known he wasn’t meant for it, he wasn’t meant to know true love and fulfillment through a soulmate bond. 

When he opened his eyes he stared at the ceiling, waiting to feel different, for his skin to feel bumpy and charred, branded almost. But Sakusa Kiyoomi was nothing but an afterthought to his soulmate, therefore he was not claimed like the others. There was no black ink, no burning sensation, no butterflies in his stomach, just a weight keeping him down, pinned to the mattress as if saying  _ this, this is all you’ll get from them. _

When he finally saw it in the shower, the only word that came to his mind was  _ meek.  _

He scrubbed hard, wishing for it to disappear under his nails, but the anger only made it stand out more in almost peach pink ink. It was barely visible, but it was enough for him to make out the characters of his soulmate’s name: Miya Atsumu.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this, he was supposed to get a happy ending too.

At least that meant it’d be easy to let go and simply forget about the whole ordeal. He didn’t like Miya Atsumu, not even as a volleyball player, and if he was lucky enough he wouldn't have to run into him ever again. He was an egotistical immature prick, with the mouth of a prepubescent who’d just learnt to swear.

When Miya Atsumu joined the MSBY Jackals and attempted to make small talk with him, Sakusa felt the indistinguishable rush of blood to his brain and ringing in his ears that signalled a panic attack was starting. He hid in the bathroom and puked his guts out until Meian went looking for him to make sure he was okay. He wasn’t. 

Sakusa Kiyoomi, aged 22 still thought Miya Atsumu was a disgusting person for the exact same reasons. People said he was charming and an amazing volleyball player and, although he could sort of agree with the latter, he wasn’t so sure people were talking about the same person he was obliged to interact with every single day. Atsumu was a prick, he was childish and for the most part still had an attitude problem. But he liked him a little when he showed consideration for him. 

Not only that. Miya Atsumi flaunted his pretty perfect soulmate mark around the locker room, shirtless and cracking jokes at Bokuto and Hinata while he styled his stupid bleached hair. Sakusa wanted to spit on him and lick him clean.

In a sense, he considered himself lucky because he’d never have to deal with him the way Kita Shinsuke had to. Maybe being Atsumu’s soulmate was the whole reason he’d chosen to become a rice farmer, so he’d have at least a semblance of peace in his life staying away from Atsumu until the bond urged them to reunite. 

It had to hurt, but it had to be such a strong bond to be in such a dark colour and defined shape. He hid his mark, knowing he didn’t even need to because it was barely even visible. 

Sakusa had no luck with people and he had no luck with Miya Atsumu and his unprompted and unconsented pats on the back and almost hungry stares. He hated his stupid doglike manners and the way he couldn’t keep his mouth shut, he hated his unnecessary comments and how he picked on him under the pretense of wanting to establish a solid setter-spiker bond. Sakusa had to laugh. 

More than anything, he hated the intensity of his words and actions both inside and outside the court. How he bit him hard when he kissed him dizzy, how his teeth left a burning path as he nipped at his skin, how he bit and sucked hard enough to mark him up as if he cared, how his moans felt like he was making fun of his own. 

And in a sense, he was. Because at the end of the day, Kita Shinsuke would hear all about how Sakusa Kiyoomi was a bad kisser because he’d never kissed anyone else besides Miya Atsumu, but they wouldn’t know that, of course. And Kita Shinsuke would tell him all about his crops and how he loved him back.

It was funny how the bruises and hickies Atsumu left him with were a hundred times richer in colour than the mark shaped in his name, more defined and real than any bond they could ever have. 

Yeah, destiny works in finny ways. 

**Author's Note:**

> someone take this idea from me and write an actual fic with a plot because i just couldn't deal with it and this is the first sakuatsu piece i've ever written so my brain just died on me. hope i made ur heart hurt cos mine does.


End file.
